Child custody should leave kids unentangled in the ropes of coercive control.
Child custody disputes can be challenging and emotionally exhausting for all parties involved, especially when there is a history of domestic violence or coercive control. The primary concern in any custody case should always be the safety and well-being of the children.
Understanding Coercive Control:
Coercive control refers to a pattern of behavior used by an abuser to establish and maintain power and control over their partner or ex-partner. This form of abuse involves using various tactics such as intimidation, isolation, financial control, and emotional manipulation to dominate and undermine the victim. It is important to recognize that coercive control impacts not only the adult victim but also the children whose needs are held hostage while the abuser seeks or maintains control.
Child Custody and Safety
Documenting the abuse
It is crucial to gather evidence of any past or ongoing domestic violence or coercive control. This can include police reports, medical records, photographs, or any other relevant documentation, but we know most abuse takes place in less clear ways. We recommend saving all written communications so they can be analyzed for patterns of control. Good documentation and analysis can strengthen your case when advocating for the safety of your children.
Seeking professional support
Understanding your legal and non-legal options will help you make the right decisions for you and your children. If possible, consult with or use an attorney who understands domestic violence. Aimee Says is here to help you understand what is happening so you can advocate for yourself.
Safety planning
Develop a safety plan to protect yourself and your children during and after custody proceedings. This may involve securing a safe place to stay, establishing a support network, and implementing measures to minimize contact with the abuser.
Communicating with the court
Courts have a history of misunderstanding domestic violence and believing both parties are equally conflict-generating. By talking about patterns of behavior and their impact on you and your children, rather than talking about incidents and hoping a judge will understand, you can increase your likelihood of a good outcome. You’ll need to present evidence and a comprehensive case for why granting custody to the abusive parent may endanger the children.
The best interest of the child
Courts typically make custody decisions based on the best interests of the child. Factors such as the child's age, their relationship with each parent, their physical and emotional well-being, and any history of abuse or violence should be considered. Presenting a clear and compelling argument for why the child's safety and well-being are at risk is difficult, but can be done.
Child custody disputes in the context of domestic violence require careful consideration and attention to ensure the safety and well-being of the children involved. By documenting patterns of abuse, seeking professional support, developing a safety plan, effectively communicating with the court, and focusing on the best interests of the child, you can increase the chances of protecting your children from the effects of coercive control. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources available to support you through this challenging process.
